Time Is Up

So many of you may or may not know that I haven't talked with my stepfather in close to 5 years. Shortly after Maria and I got married he got all crazy and said he had "his own family" to take care of. Of course my Mom was stuck in the middle and it was tearing her up inside. I got to see my sister maybe once every 3 months at most when she would come up with Mom to watch the kids so Maria and I could go out for a little date night.

We pretty much gave up on getting through to him several years ago. Then out of the blue he tells Mom that he is ready to put everything behind us and wanted us to come down for lunch and maybe take the kids out on the go-cart or maybe go fishing. I was sort of shocked when my Mom called and told me this... my first feeling was to say no. I didn't say no though as I knew how much it meant to my Mom for us to be a family again.

So we went down Sunday after church and we had a shockingly good time. Sure it was a bit awkward at first... sitting down, watching the Ravens game and trying to conjure up some small talk. My mom was upstairs still getting ready, so she wasn't there to help as an icebreaker. How awkward would you feel towards someone if said person had a MAJOR role in raising you and had never met any of your children?

We had a few times outside when it was just me and my stepfather and Holden when we had some good conversations. He said he was happy we agreed to come down and he hopes we can come down more often and try to build our relationship back up. He also told me some things that led to his change in heart, that Mom had been rushed to the emergency room several times in the past year for stress related reasons. For all these years he was making her choose between her life with him and me and my family. She had a nervous breakdown where she thought she was having a heart attack, and then a few months later had a vein in her nose rupture (due to stress she was told). I guess it took some pretty severe events like that to show him the folly of his ways. Mom also said that someone from their past.. an old friend had a hand in this too. I didn't get too much detail on this, but apparently they called or wrote an email that just really hit home for him. Frome what I heard a few sermons at their church seemed to really strike his heart, I guess making him realize your bonds as a family should overcome any petty and childish grudges you may hold.

So yes, it looks like things are on the mend with my stepfather. I got to see my younger brother for the first time in 4 years and he's almost as big as me now! Quite a shock to see him so different. I guess now the Holidays just got a bit more stressful with another house to visit ;)

But overall I'm just very excited that things are finally looking up with this situation. Maria and I have had countless conversations about this and never fully understood how this all came to be.

I just have to make sure that politics NEVER come up in casual conversation around the dinner table during the holidays. And I'm thankful to sort of get my mom back in a way, this whole thing has been so stressful and you could just tell how giddy she was for us all be in the same house and getting along so well. Holden called him "grandpa" without any prompting (much to Maria's chagrin) but I just figure you let something like that happen. Holden didn't know this man even existed before this past Sunday, so he's basically starting off with a clean slate with my children. I didn't see any need to muddy that up right off the get-go, Maria was concerned about him breaking breaking their heart of he goes back to his old ways... but to me that's not even an option at this point.